im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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