Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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