i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
