You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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