It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
