No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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