dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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