K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
