Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
