we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
