All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
