The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
