wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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