First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
