i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
