Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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