She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
