Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
