DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
