That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i love accidental penises.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
