I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
