Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
