Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
