she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
