Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
