my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
