Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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