He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
