An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
