Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
