somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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