Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
