There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
please don't ironically join a cult
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