why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
