I am spending my child support on dildos
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
