yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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