he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
