So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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