I am in a vortex of obligation.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
