Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
