a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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