Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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