I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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