Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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