the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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