i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
