I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
