I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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