There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
