can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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