I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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