Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
